Treasure …

I’m not exactly sure where I am going with this post, but I cannot and will not let another day go by without trying to get this jumbled mess out on paper {well, sort of}. I, ahead of time, want to apologize for my lack of poetry or perfect orchestration of this subject, but I won’t. You see, asking for grace ahead of time is really more like me asking, “Please don’t judge me and think poorly of me if you don’t think my writing is up to par.” Sounds pretty harsh and a bit too personal?

In the last few weeks I have had {at least} five conversations with different women about balance. Not the kind on a balance beam, but more the kind when you have 8 hula hoops spinning around your body at once. The kind of balance that requires such diligence and order so you don’t slip up, let those hoops wobble or worse yet, let them all come crashing down. What hoops might I be referring to: marriage . kids . church . friendships . God . home . exercise . work {inside/outside of home}

These are just the main categories, but there are subcategories to these as we all know: laundry . healthy eating . phone calls . email . date nights . playdough time . deadlines . appointments

I have a slight panic attack just thinking about all of the hoops we try to keep spinning on a daily basis. Why do we spin those hoops? Could it be that we like having so much responsibility? Or maybe it is because it feels good to be THAT busy? When I get down to the true nitty gritty as they say, I find that I do it because I want to be “good enough.” Yes, you read that correctly. I am being that honest. I want to have it all together, be the best at it, be the role model, the poster child, the …

Don’t we all?

This technological age we live in is so wonderful and yet so deceptive. Between facebook, blogs and various other outlets, we can paint the most perfect picture of ourselves. We can appear to have all of our hoops spinning with little or no wobbles. I can show you my “perfect” children, my “happy” marriage, my “clean” house and my healthy meals that I prepared from scratch. But, if my kids are not obeying, my house is a mess, and we had fast food for dinner, I don’t have to show you. I can just skip my update for that day and wait until my better balancing day {act} comes along. You won’t know my reality and I won’t know yours. Then, we can both believe that the other is doing quite well and be happy for them. Right? Well, not really. There is something more to it. The comparison. The phrase, “Wow, I am so happy for {friend on Facebook}. They seem to have it all together” is quickly followed by, “Why don’t I have that?” Successfully, much like the serpent in the garden, a seed of discontent is planted. The ugly face of comparison has entered my heart and my mind. It will deceive even the wise. The pursuit for bigger, better, cuter, and more begins to consume your thoughts and your activities. Once upon a time you were simply challenged to balance your hoops. Now, you are adding more hoops to your life because you want to be the image of perfection. Pouring, pouring, pouring your life into this, that and the other thing. You are tired, worn out, spent. The reality is that someone will always be better.  It is like chasing the wind.

Lonely. Empty. Discontent. Lost. I open my Bible and read Matt 6:21 {MSG} “The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.” What am I pouring my life into. More importantly, what am I SUPPOSED to be pouring my life into. Have I been caught up in what I see on my journey through blogs or my Facebook perusing? Has the seed of discontent become so masked that I myself am desperately trying to create the “perfect life” and in so doing created seeds of discontent in others?

Where is my treasure? Where is my heart? At my core, I want to be a child of God that draws people to Him. I want to be a wife that respects her husband and maintains a peaceful home. A mother that loves her children, trains and teaches them TRUTH. A friend that remembers to pray for her friends, to call them and encourage them. I want to make a difference.

Ah, now we’re talking! I need to shift my thinking. I no longer strive to be good enough.  I want to make a difference; a lasting impression whether I have it together or not.  I am going to start asking myself more frequently where my treasure is and where my focus is. If I am focusing too much on what I don’t have and pursuing the materialism and praise of this world, then I may need to take a timeout. Reassess. Remember that my true treasure is in my Savior, the relationships he has blessed me with, and the ability that I have to live on this earth and serve the King of Kings. He deserves the glory, not me. Afterall, it all belongs to Him anyway.

Be blessed,

KC

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