I’ve been struggling with something lately. A song, a hymn rather. Maybe you’ve heard of it, ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus. It’s sweet and riddled with truth. I’ve always loved to sing this song, not for the words, but for the harmony. It has really pretty harmony. But two weeks ago, this song came on Pandora and I couldn’t sing it. I struggled. At that moment, a wonderful man with three small children was taking his final breaths. And a woman that had rescued, mentored and shaped someone very dear to me was beginning a fight that will eventually usher her Home, as well. I don’t taste the sweetness here. In fact, I am frustrated and want my ‘whys’ answered. This is nothing but bitter.
I imagine singing this song when the sun is setting on a field of flowers, with mountains in the background. “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word. Just to rest upon His promise, Just to know, ‘Thus saith the Lord.’ Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him. How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more.” But in the darkness of despair and grief, I couldn’t sing. My heart hurt and the sweetness seemed distant. Sure, I “trust” that His ways are higher than my ways and that He understands more than I, but I’ve lost the sweetness.
A week later, the song came on again. This time hubby was with me. I expressed my human understanding and my inability to grasp the lyrics to this song. Life’s circumstances felt a lot more like swallowing those horse-pill kind of vitamins than it did sipping sweet, soothing honey. Anyone with me? I struggle when the storms come. I don’t understand God’s ways. Hubby spoke and with wisdom said, “The sweetness is knowing that at the end of it all, He is still there and offers something so much greater than what we are experiencing here. The sweetness is the HOPE we have. The ‘what’s to come’. “
This made sense to me. My eyes and heart seem to get stuck in the moment when they should be permanently fixed on eternity. When I choose to fix my eyes on my circumstances I am minimizing the very God that created the Heavens and the Earth. I am demeaning His ways. And I am shunning the grace He so willingly gave me.
He reminded me of this today :: Job 38 – 41. Read it. I mean it. It is a list of all the things God has done and is able to do. It reveals his power, his might and his bigness. I know, not a word, but that seems to fit right now. I feel like a child. A child that sits at the feet of something so much bigger, wiser, and stronger than anything I have ever encountered. I am afraid yet I have peace. I have hope because I’ve been given the chance to sit before Him. Jesus gave me that chance. Jesus. Jesus.
And I taste the sweetness of His name. I can say it in my despair, “Jesus.” I can say it in my weak parenting moments, “Jesus.” I can say it with a smile, “Jesus.” I can say it through my tears, both in sorrow and in joy, “Jesus.”
I won’t understand very much in this life. I will hurt. I will battle with being circumstantial. But I will remember the last line of the chorus …
“Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.”
Oh for grace to trust Him more…