Hello again! Wow, it has been a while, huh? Our family has been traveling quite a bit in the last month not to mention that hubby and I also got to sneak away for our 10 year anniversary trip to Maui!

I thank my mom and dad so much for holding down the fort while we were gone! Now that we are getting settled back into normal life, I am returning to the blog with a renewed spirit; it is amazing what some sunshine will do {said from a native Arizonan living in the northwest in April}.

I have a lot to say. I find that many times throughout my day I have a thought or an experience that I want to share on my blog. Some are funny and light, some are heavy and deep. Recently, however, I have had the same message playing loud and clear in so many different areas of my life. Has this ever happened to you? It seems that everywhere you turn God is pursuing you to consider His ways, His plan or His purposes. Well, this is me right now. I am not sure I’ll be able to dictate it perfectly, but I’m going to try as it has been over the course of the last few months that this message has been playing very loud in my head and in my heart.

Being apart from the kids certainly gives me perspective. I come home with new, innovative ideas for encouraging strong work ethic. Great ideas for tackling whining. Super methods for keeping the house organized and of course, fabulous ways to maintain the entire household without feeling exhausted {chuckle, chuckle}. Yes, I feel energized and refreshed by these new visions and even keep them for a while {at least that is what history has shown}.  But the reality is that they begin to slip away. And for one reason or another they energy gets depleted and I find myself back at the starting place frustrated and well, exhausted.  Right before I left for Maui I was finishing up week 5 of Beth Moore’s study on the book of James. She spoke only a few words, but it left a lasting impression. Let’s just say that it was almost like I was being branded by one of those irons used on a cow! She said, “Narcissism. If you aren’t fighting it, you are living it.” OUCH! What does narcissism have to do with new routines? Follow me, I think up all these great ways to run our family, run our life, run our marriage, run our kids’ lives, run our budget, run our …. , run our ….. , run our …. But what I fail to realize is that it all takes time. And if I were being honest, I am too narcissistic to want to give up so much of my time. Whether it is because I want to work out, finish a conversation with a friend, not be late to church, or read a Facebook status update {embarrassing, I know}, I don’t like to be interrupted. I don’t want to always give up MY time.

narcissism :: A consuming self-absorption or self-love; a type of egotism. Narcissists constantly assess their appearance, desires, feelings, and abilities.

With that in my head, this trip’s “reassessment period” looked a little different. Instead of drafting new ways to enforce desired behaviors, I was humbled in asking God how my pride has gotten in the way of the change and growth He wants for me and for our family. The time that I have wasted because I cared more about me than about the things He has called me to {my children, my husband, my neighbors, etc}.

And then I heard this song while out for an early run one morning.

I cracked. I was humbled. And while I listened to the words, my feet picked up pace while the tears fell from my eyes. “To tell the world there is no time left.” Do I live as if there is no time left? Easter week seems to stir my passions and remind me of what it is that I truly want to live for. Jesus. I stand in church with my eyes closed as I sing about my Savior that suffered for me and then rose from the dead so that I might have life.

Today I write this ashamed that I don’t live as if there is no time left. I want to. There will be a day when this world will come to an end. Take heart, there are greater things promised for those who believe in Him. But there are many who don’t believe. It is a message that needs to be shared with the very broken world we live in. Such sorrow and emptiness fills this earth and in it people find no peace. But, there is peace. There is hope. There is a love that covers all.

So I ask myself these questions. What am I giving my time to? Who am I giving my time to? At the end of the day, am I proud of the time I spent …. ?

selflessness :: the quality of not putting yourself first but being willing to give your time or money or effort etc. for others

Live as if there is no time left.

Romans 12:10 - Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle {MSG}.

~ KC